Wednesday, April 16, 2008
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John and Jill
Jason and Johnnie
My dear husband and me!
John and Jill
My beloved sons!
Jason and Johnnie
About Me
- Jill Lestina
- Indiana, United States
- What I love... my True Self... my being Deaf... my children... my husband... my family... my friends... my prayers... my meditation... my walk with God...
13 comments:
Thank you very much for doing this! I truly am touched by your Vlogs. I lost my mother 2 years ago, and I am still in the grief.. moving from that stage to this stage as time goes. I don't know when I will be fully done with the grief itself. My mother worked at KSD - Kansas Deaf school for 30 years as dorm counselor - everytime I go in the deaf school, I always am flooded with hundreds memories of my childhood/adulthood time, thousands momments, countless memories and numerous expereinces with my mom at that campus! We spent many many hours together on the campus..
I cannot just simply erase those feelings that are immersed in my heart, soul and mind and just 'move on'! The loss itself is overwhelming for me at first because I did not only lose my mother, I lost my father and brother as well. My mother was the 'glue' in the family - she held us all together. She's CODA and my father & brother dont sign well. Commuincation between me and my father/brother suddenly changed! We now communicate mostly via fax and email. We are only few miles apart :(
With the friends, you're beautifully right!! When I lost my mother, I also was totally left alone by the friends. They dont know what to do & say with me.. It was truly hardest and darkest time for me to deal with. Then, I became withdrawn from my friends. Now I'm trying hard to get back into the grooves with the circle of friendship. I'm positive that everything will go better in the near future. And, I'm also busy with my 3 active kiddos at home.
Once again, I want to say thousands of thanks for doing this Vlogs!! We the Deaf community need to be educated and more sensitive toward our people who are grieving. Hugs
Beautifully signed! Amen!
My dad died after 6 years of battling with blood cancer in 1998. I was daddy's girl and I was numb for a while. It took me a year to finally be my old self. With the layoff after 9/11, I became lost again, same path/cycle. It is so amazing how powerful grieving stage can be!
The more I experience grieving, the more respect I give to others who grieves too, I felt good be able to be understanding for others.
You did wonderful job doing this vlog. Thank you!
A few things... It will help you keep in mind when you work with someone who loses someone...
1. The person goes through the four stages of dealing with a death: anger, grief, depression, and denial, not necessarily in the right order. Some require more time while others get over that quickly. I knew a woman who lost her husband. She married another man four months later! Some stay in mourning for years. Some feel so free knowing they don't have to look after their mean husbands! Everyone is unique.
2. Today, more and more people find celebrations more positive and fun to share good (and bad) times about/ with the person who died. It gives people choices of what they want. Others prefer traditional funeral services.
3. Photos, letters and/ or videos) about stories about the person are something we enjoy getting. They become treasured memories.
4. It helps to see a grief counsellor to deal with feelings. It tends to be short-term, but rarely, can become full-blown into long term... A group is not easy for a deaf person to participate if there is no sign language interpreter...
Hope it helps.
~ Just Deaf
Jill,
I'm glad you introduced this at this time when a lot of people are talking about Gina Tester and the interview with her husband. I felt as if we were given way too much information about how she died and I didn't think it was necessary but I thought maybe I was the only one who felt that way.
Also when people are grieving, they should be encouraged not to make any hasty and big decisions like selling their house or whatever. They need to allow themselves to grieve for a while and then when they start to recover, they may have a better picture of what they would like to do. Because I've heard from some people who had made some hasty decisions right away after their loved one died and then they eventually felt that they had made a big mistake in selling their house or whatever.
And it is perfectly okay for people to cry and show their tears. Don't stop this. Let their tears flow and grief is a healthy process. I would be alarmed if they didn't show any tears or grief so once someone shows their grief or tears, it is very healthy and it will help them recover more quickly. Throw a gathering party for this person to help them celebrate the life of their deceased loved one if it will help them feel better. Do anything to make sure they feel supported.
Thanks for bringing it up.
Hi Jill
You did a beautiful job! I meant it. That is very important for anyone to know/learn what to say or not say to a grieving person. Thank you very much for educating. Again, Beautiful job! =-)
Jill,
That is so perfect and a big must for everyone to learn and understand how/what to do with anybody who is grieving their loved ones.
Always show your support and be there for them. Patience is virtual.
Thank you for vlogging this for others who're not too sure how to handle.
Misha :D
Kim McDonald,
I want to tell you, your mother, Bonnie was a WONDERFUL person. She was my daughter's dorm parent. She was very supportive and very understanding!!! Every time I went to KSD, she and I always chatted. She was very good toward my daughter. I felt very safe leaving my daughter there because she is in good hands ( your mother) You've been very blessed that she's your mother.
God bless you all.
Karen
Rev. Jill,
Thank you--I needed to see what you're saying. I just went to a funeral and buried my cousin (we were close). It still hurts....
Love online,
Suzy B~
Sweet, sweet Jill. You are just one of my favorite people on this earth! Your words were so right on and timely for many of us. Each of us has experienced grief in our lives and as we watch and listen to your words, we can each feel comforted in knowing that people will learn how to be with us as we grieve as a result of your vlog. It was precious and a gift to everyone. Thank you for sharing this beautiful message. I remain one of your biggest fans!
~ LaRonda
www.earofmyheart.com
Jill did a wonderful job explaining this in ASL way. I've read alot of books about grief process. I havent heard it from ASL until now. Beautiful job.
Thank You
C
Hi, Jill,
God blesses you!! I was much like Kim McDonald when I lost my mom in 1997. What she described is the similiar what I went through. Yes, not the exactly the same... but, my mom was also the glue for the family. Right now, I am fine, and my role in the family had changed. Yes, I surely wish I had someone boldly come to give me support.
Your message is well-said!! Thank you! :D
deafk
Thank You for doing this to help others to understand about the people who grieve over their loves one...
I remember when my husband passed away in 1992....
I have pushed so many of my friends away because they are *kind* to try to get me to do things that I wish not to... it is my LIFE, not theirs....Took me a long time to get over him...
I do thank to a few of my close friends for stand by me all the way.. why? Because they did listen to my while I express my feeling over him .. I have also learned to listen others too...
Thank You again...
Jacey125
True --learn how to deal with a grieving person, provide a person anything out of your heart to be there to help, comfort, talk anything to share with their good memories, enjoy to remember, relaxing, or tearing. Also stay strength to go through some rough time to take a while. Also, you are right that grieving persons had many different various experience or feelings as not same all.
Thanks, Jill
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